I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
