i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
