they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
