Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Still dying that you shit outside
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
