I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
