Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
