I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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