I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
