and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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