I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
