my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
