Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
