is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.