Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.

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(904): View more from Florida

if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

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(773): View more from Illinois

It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(347): View more from New York

sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

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(805): View more from California

my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!

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(940): View more from Texas

Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.

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(316): View more from Kansas

We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba

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