Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?