remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety