i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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