You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?