oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
