Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...

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(224): View more from Illinois

She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

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(+39): View more from

my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(480): View more from Arizona

oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.

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(516): View more from New York

look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?

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