So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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