Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
