She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Who died my cat blue again?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize