people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
