just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
