Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
