I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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