he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
