ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Randomize
