..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
