My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
we're so committed to being not committed
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
