Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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