4 words: hood of his car
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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