FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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