Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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