I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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