Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
