Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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