My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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