i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
