Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
