My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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