I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
