he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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