Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?