He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
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Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him