Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?

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(619): he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear? http://tfl.nu/9u5k

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(917): View more from New York City

the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob

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(917): the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob http://tfl.nu/1gjp

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour

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(978): u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour http://tfl.nu/oz5v

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.

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(504): Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come. http://tfl.nu/6ryd

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"

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(774): all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you" http://tfl.nu/p8m9

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party

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(978): i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party http://tfl.nu/osnp

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(703): View more from Virginia

The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.

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(703): The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten. http://tfl.nu/8y7f

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(276): View more from Virginia

I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem

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(276): I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem http://tfl.nu/0t83

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.

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(330): I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now. http://tfl.nu/yqbr

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(201): View more from New Jersey

On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in

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(201): On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in http://tfl.nu/9hap

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.

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(724): $200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm. http://tfl.nu/59s4

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(334): View more from Alabama

Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"

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(334): Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!" http://tfl.nu/kpjr

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react

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(484): You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react http://tfl.nu/5bkg

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it

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(215): It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it http://tfl.nu/0xgu

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(907): View more from Alaska

I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead

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(907): I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead http://tfl.nu/kczi

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