piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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