you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
