i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
