Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I could make wine with my vomit
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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