Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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