I accidentally had phone sex last night
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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