Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
