i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
