I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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