It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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