So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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