and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
