dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
