the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
