her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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