I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize