dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So gin and wine won't be happening again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
