Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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