would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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