I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
