i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
