I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
