He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
