Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
