she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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