And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
