from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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