sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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