it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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