In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
