my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
