Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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