its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
