Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
