I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
