dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
