I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
