So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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