He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
