Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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