Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
