I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We need to rekindle our bromance
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Im part way to drunk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
