I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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