Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
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I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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