I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
