I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
