one two three fourrrrnication!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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