I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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