Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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