just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Two words: nipple clamps
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