**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
