I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
